Ramblings Volume 5

Ramblings Volume 5, 21st November 2009, 14:33
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On pets, particularly the retarded ones
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Now, before I begin this here blog post, I'd like to first of all give a big shout out to the people who helped me decide on a topic - you know who you are, and I ain't saying nobody's name on the internetz without their permission.

Anyway (which is oddly how I seem to start most second or third paragraphs - wierd that, ain't it?), where was I? Oh yeah. Pets.

Now, I like pets. I love pets. I like cats, I like dogs, I like hamsters, gerbils, mice, guinea pigs and birds. I don't like rats. But that's just me. But when people start to prick about with nature and breed wierd and wonderful pets that just aren't - that's where I draw the line.

Take for example hairless cats. Cats are supposed to have hair. They have evolved, over millions of years, to have hair. So what do us grand old humans do? Slap their DNA around until they drop all of it. Then you have one of the foulest creations on the planet - a wrinkly cat that looks like some kind of deformed beanie baby (which is probably TM). They're oddly popular, but I mean... Seriously? Seriously? People like those?

Apologies, I'm going off topic... Which isn't unusual... But still.

No, the reason that I am writing this post is because of the new (or rather 3 month old) pet craze - micro-pigs. They're pigs... But they're small. *Cough*. I just can't get my head around why anybody would spend £700 on a small pig... You could buy a freaking 85 inch plasma screen TV for that price, and still have some left over for popcorn! But oh no, you choose to follow pop culture, and whazzam - £700 down the drain and you're stuck with a small, fat, pink, squeaky crap-machine.

Which isn't to say that I don't like pigs... It's just the whole 'keeping a farm animal as a pet' thing doesn't seem right. Now, nobody knows what the purpose of human kind is, but I'm pretty damn sure it ain't to turn every living creature we see into some kind of domesticated freak of nature. A domesticated, inbred, freak of nature.

Which rather neatly pulls the train into the station of point number 2. The end doesn't justify the means in these cases because the end is crap to start with. Wait, what? The end... is crap... to start... Off-topic, sorry.

Yes, anywho, these poor creatures are inbred as you like. How the hell else would you get something so freakishly and terrifyingly wrong? You can say that they take 'thousands of unrelated pigs' but at some point it's gonna boil down to two piggy siblings who are going to be forced to mate by some sick fuck up in an observation room somewhere. Now, I don't support PETA, mainly because they're borderline frigging mental, but I don't support the harsh cruel treatment of innocent animals to get David Beckham a new fashion accessory.

And that brings me to point number 3, my probably final point unless this writer's block clears. Pets are not fashion accessories. You've heard the slogan 'A dog is for life not just for Christmas', right? That's true. Oh so true. Pets aren't just a biological bracelet - they're living little furballs of fun (except in the case of hairless cats, which are just living balls of something-ness) that should be treated as humans would! You wouldn't force your own children to mate in a cage, and you definitely wouldn't leave them in a box on the side of a street in the pouring rain! People need to start stopping this insanity... Or at least pay a visit to BleakHolt animal sanctuary once in a while.

Wait, why am I not working there? "The only good thing for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing", right?

Shit.

I'd better go grab my coat, because it's rainin - screw it, I can just be an internet advertiser.

That's not nothing, correct?

So remember: "A pig is for life, not just for a handbag!"

Ouch, that was a rather poor finale...

It sounded so much funnier in my head. Ah well, my blog.